Three weeks after the brachytherapy operation

Gloria preparing to test me.

Gloria is threatening to buy a Geiger Counter or, more properly (she's a stickler for accuracy, this one), a Geiger–Müller Counter. Why this extravagant purchase? Simply because she doesn't believe that I am radioactive at all and that the operation was a huge hoax, probably conducted by the same people who faked the Moon landings.

The reason for this doubt is that after three weeks of waiting for symptoms to kick in ... I'm still waiting. Perhaps I'm weeing a bit slower? If that's the extent of it, then I'm doing well. I should be experiencing more restriction of urine flow as my prostate swells from the radioactivity. I should also potentially have negative side-effects relating to my sexual capacity and I could also have some disturbance of my bowel function.


In reality, none of this has happened and maybe that's because I prepped well. As mentioned in a previous post, I've always had a good "flow" and so there was not going to be any uncertainty of my capacity to withstand this op. However, one of the key things to do in getting ready is the pelvic floor exercises - also known as Kegel exercises. Your (female) partner may have mentioned that she does these, particularly if she practises yoga or Pilates. For a woman, it strengthens the muscles that grip internally during intercourse, making it more pleasurable for all concerned.

However, men too should practise this as it improves bladder control and your erectile function. Guy's and St Thomas' Hospitals do a good fact sheet on this, which will help you understand what the pelvic floor is, how to find it and how to do the exercises.

I've been doing them for years as a previous doctor said that it would make me (even more of) a dynamo in bed. Gloria had other ideas (still shouting "Three!" at every opportunity - see previous post) but I persevered and they really seemed to make a difference. I take eye drops morning and night for glaucoma so this provides me a great opportunity to do the exercises as I have to keep fingers jammed in my eyes for two minutes when I do them.

All told then, Gloria is suspicious that I may not be radioactive at all. Perhaps I have wee-ed out all the seeds? Maybe they were duffers and they got mixed up with a packet of nasturtium seeds from Wilko? Could it be that, being Radioactive Rod, I am too dynamic and amazing for them to have any impact?

"Three!"

Perhaps not.