Filling the forms before brachytherapy

One thing you get very used to when you begin discussing anything to do with prostate cancer is the level of intimacy that you have to reveal. Nurses and doctors will listen, expressionless, as you discuss the workings of your erections, flow of urine, how well and often you defecate, the importance and extent of your sex life and any manner of other things.

I guess though, when you've had someone shove their finger up your bum or been probed about with MRI or with an ultrasound scanner, there's not much left to reveal about your physical self, other than what you actually do with your body when you're not sprawled on the examination table.

MRI scan of the prostate

It's all so easy. Once you are in the highly efficient mincing machine that is the NHS, (sorry if you're reading this in the USA, folks - you've missed a trick) then you get dealt with, if you are "fast-tracked" as a priority. Within a couple of days of the consultant's reluctant signing me on for a scan, I was walking through the doors of the MRI suite at my local hospital.

Normally, for an MRI, you zoom in head-first, headphones on to deaden the din that is clanking and thunking around you. However, for a scan of the prostate, you're whizzed in feet first. Oh, let's not forget the prep ...

Visiting the urology department specialist

The invitation to visit the Urology department at my local hospital was fast-tracked. When the NHS fast-track it usually means that someone phones and tells you to get your arse over there double-quick. This was no different, although it was a letter, actually. And the appointment was a couple of days later. Yeah, no need to fret. Prostate cancer is not a fast-growing one, but nonetheless, they still had their skates on.

I went and found the Urology department, taking along my trusty minder (who shall be named Gloria, to protect the innocent). The waiting room was jam-packed with blokes of a certain age - most, to be fair, older than me. Or they looked it. Gloria and I looked at each other and she said, "Get used to this, mate."